Parenting lesson #740

Always expect the unexpected when you ask the question, how did your day go.

I'm beginning to think that watching bad comedy movies while rocking Baby Bear to sleep when he was still an infant may not have been the best idea. I've mentioned several times before that he tends to do things seen in Napoleon Dynamite. But today, he switched movies on me.

ME: How did your day go, did you have any poopie problems.

*NOTE* for context, we have had some serious poopie problems in our house for the past 5 days.

BB: Well...I went poop in my pants. And I kept my poopie pants on ALL DAY LONG. {Said in a proud-as-can-be tone}

ME: You have extra underwear, you could have changed them.

BB: NOPE! And it is all over my underwear.

ME: {Shakes head}

At this point, I think the responsible parenting skills were supposed to kick in and I was supposed to give him a speech about good hygiene. Instead, immature adult self showed up and caused me to call my sister to share in the good fun.

If you've not seen Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, here is the clip that I am referring to.

Tiggie update

Thank you to the Disney Store for not messing up the shipping on getting new Tiggie to us as quick as possible. And just in time too, because a certain someone pee'd all over old Tiggie during nap time.

Can you tell which is which?

Dog for sale - real cheap.

It has been a rough week at our house, thus the lack of posts. The kids have both been sick at separate times, this was A.'s long week for working overnights, the dogs are on my last nerve and work is work.

The straw that broke my back this week just happened this afternoon when a small congested four year old boy let out a shriek that a dog had attacked his tiggie.


I may have at one point said to the dog "I will CUT you!"
Please don't call PETA.

For those of you who have spent anytime with Baby Bear, you understand how much he adores his Tiggie. He does not go to sleep with out him. He takes him to school and keeps him in his cubbie all day long, everyday. This is actually Tiggie #2 as the first one had to be retired several months ago because he had made one too many trips through the washing machine. And Tiggie is always laying within reach of one of the three dogs. Why they decided today was the day Tiggie was going down is beyond me.

In case you were wondering, Tiggie #3 has already been ordered. And I will gladly ship you dog #3 in the container once it arrives.

Are you ready for some football?

We are. Is it obvious?

More genetic evidence that he's really mine

For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with the idea of becoming a hair stylist. The fantasy of tossing the 9-5 lifestyle to attend the Aveda Institute in Minneapolis will forever be my dream.

When I was younger, all of my Barbies had custom cuts. My sister was my life size doll to practice my skills. I even convinced my mom and BFF to let me work my magic on there heads.

A couple of weeks ago, I discovered Baby Bear had gotten ahold of his sister's My Little Ponies and gave them a couple of buzz cuts, evidence that he would share my obsession for providing the world with perfect coiffes.

Then on Friday, I was greeted by Vidal Sassoon when I got to day care.

No, Napoleon, we don't store food in our pants.

O, yes. He did.

The boy has done nothing but eat the past two days. Yay! That's one less box I have to pack, but I am seriously ready to buy the child a feed bag. If I hear one more "Mommy, I'm hungry" I may just drop him off at Golden Corral and come back at closing time.

And then there is tonight.

As I was trying to get the girl to brush her teeth, I noticed a certain someone stock piling cheesy poofs in his pull up.

Really, how is one to respond to that?

"Sweet heart, no cheesy poofs in your pants please."

And I'm pretty sure a good mom would have showered him down so that he would not have had to sleep in cheesy crumb goodness all night, but I'm just too tired for all that. A little wet wipe magic and he was good as new.

Please send meds.

K? Thanks!

Love, J.

Salmon

For the past 6 months, Baby Bear came home from school and always had a story to share about the day he had with Salmon. I never stopped to question the child's name, because who am I to stifle freedom of expression. I also assumed Salmon was a boy because most of the stories were prompted by me asking, why did you take off your shoes and run in the mud? or do you just eat dirt all day long?

Well, last week I got to meet Salmon.



And well, her name isn't Salmon. BB just has a unique way of pronouncing her name.

Her mom and I were talking and she told me how every day "Salmon" comes home from school with stories about how her and BB went digging for worms, bugs, or other assorted creepy crawlies.

Given his tight knit friendship with his sister, I'm really not surprised that his best buddy is a girl. And in his eyes, I'm sure she's that much cooler than his sister, because she likes bugs.

Mortified

Remember when you were a kid,

and it was so much fun to play outside,

and sometimes you would feel the urge to go to the bathroom,

and you really didn't want to because you were having so much fun,

but you ran inside anyway?

Well, my kid experienced that last night.

Except, he missed that part about running inside.

My neighbor and I were sitting out on her deck, enjoying the evening while the kids played on the swing set. When suddenly the three girls started shrieking "EWWWWWWWW!!!!!"

The rest is a bit of a blur because I'm pretty sure I blacked out from the embarrassment that ensued.

Me: What happened?

Girls: He pooped in the yard.

Now, I get that it's tough to be a boy in a neighborhood of girls and that it's his job to be gross, but COME ON!

Seriously, I'm trying really, really hard to be a good mom. I promise I have never at any point given this child the indication that dropping turds in public was even remotely okay.

After collecting my children and delivering them to their father, I took the walk of shame back over to the neighbors house to PICK UP MY KID'S POOP IN THEIR BACK YARD.

Just mortified.

Look at this kid's eyelashes

Light Weight

And in this corner, weighing in at a mere 44 pounds, I introduce...

THE BEAR



After spending Friday in the ER, BB woke up on Sunday morning with a black eye. No clue what happened and when I asked him, he told me Tiggie did it.

To top it off, last night as he was getting ready for his bath, he ran into that little thingy on the door that allows it to latch when you close it (for lack of the more technical term). And POW...instant bleeding and swelling.

And yes, he's okay. But I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley...he may bump into you.



Please send bubble wrap.

Parenting Lesson #8

Taking a child to the ER will never be easy.

On Friday, I got a call from the school letting me know that we needed to come get Baby Bear. He had been hit in the head with a child’s garden hoe.

What the heck was a garden hoe doing on a school play ground? Thank God A. was the one who got to ask those questions.

I work about 40 minutes away from the school so I sat on the phone with A. and got the full play by play as he picked up the kids, went to the doctor’s office and then over to the ER.

Walking up to the ER doors I just wanted to throw up.

Bad things are not supposed to happen to your kids.

We were very blessed that he only had to have one staple and for the most part, he was completely un-phased by the whole thing.

There really just isn’t a worse feeling in life than not being able to “make it better” or take away the pain for your child. This is my first real go around with this feeling and I pray we don’t have to go through it again anytime soon.

Parenting Lesson #12

The saying "Patience is a virtue" becomes your mantra after having children.


I have learned to accept a ton of things and to be patient as a parent.

Coloring on the walls - check
Using finger nail polish to paint the carpet - check
Peeing on the floor - check
Throwing food - check
Crying in public - check
Constant bickering between the two of them - check
Never liking any food put in front of them - check
Hiding lunch meat in the closets - check

And the list just goes on.

However...

Baby Bear has started this thing where he talks like Carol Channing and it drives me bananas. He loves to make his sister laugh and has an assortment of voices that he will use to entertain her.

But this one...makes.me.crazy.

And here it is...

For those of you who track my incredible cake making skills,I bring you the birthday cake (or birthday sushi).



And, yes, once again, those are twinkies in there. The kid's both LOVED it.



In order to keep the birthday posts to a minimum, I'll just go ahead and let you check out the pictures for yourself.

For my little guy

Dear Baby Boy,

I cannot believe you celebrated your fourth birthday today. You really aren't much different today than you were yesterday, but at the same time when I looked at you tonight sitting up on your new bicycle, you looked like a little kid. You are starting to lose those chubby little cheeks and looking more like a big boy everyday.

Actually, your transformation began two years ago when I made the mistake of getting your long curls cut off (in an attempt to disguise that your sister cannot grow hair) and I've regretted it every day since.

While I can't really say I have fond memories of the actual process of getting you into this world, I can say that I have cherished every single minute since that time.

Your birth was a long drawn out process that started with me thinking I had peed on the floor. (Right, I know, not much has changed with me in four years.)

When you finally decided you'd come out and join the rest of us, your poor little face was severely bruised. So much, that I remember the nurse telling me to not worry that it would fade.

But when I saw you, I didn't see any bruises. I just saw a beautiful little boy.

As you have grown up, I have fallen in love with your sweet spirit. You melt my heart every time I look in your big brown eyes. The way you are curious about everything around you has helped me learn to just slow down and enjoy the little things.

I know this year you will continue to lose more and more of your toddler like qualities and further develop your kid personality. I promise to be right with you every step along the way.

Love,

Mommy

Morning dialog

Me: Good morning sweet little baby boy. It's your birthday. Do you feel any older?

(Insert MONSTER man fart here)

Baby Bear: Nope!

It's okay for boys to cry

This weekend, as we were gathered around the table eating lunch and watching tv (we've already defined that I may have some opportunities in my parenting abilities.)

So anyway...this commercial comes on.



Mooka started asking questions right away about what was going on in the commercial, but Baby Bear just kept his eyes glued to the tv. We explained that no one took care of the animals in the video and some mean people hurt the animals. When the commercial finished, BB turns to us, big brown eyes full of big tears and says, "Why didn't someone want to take care of those animals."

I don't think I've ever been brought to tears so quickly in my entire life.

Of course, I scooped him up and gave him a hug all the while trying to assure him that someone was in fact now taking care of those animals.

He's such a little sweetheart.

However, his first words to me at 6 morning were "Get me some juice, some fruit snacks and turn on Noggin." We're still working on being a sweetheart before 8 a.m.

I need all the help I can get

Tonight it was Baby Bear's night to pray before dinner, which is always interesting because he usually says exactly what's on his mind. He's been known to ask for the dog to find a new house and for his sister to quit acting crazy. And considering he's got Jesus on speed dial, I always try to be on my best behavior when I'm around him.

BabyBear: Dear Jesus, Please help Mommy to exercise and watch TV. And thanks for the food. The End.

Me: (GLARING at A.) Don't say a word. Not one word.

It may help to note, that I'm on a get healthy crusade this year and determined to get rid of the "baby weight" once and for all. I've been spending a lot more time on the treadmill when the kids are around.

Hey, if he's got a better connection, I'll take it!

Are you there God? It's me, Baby Bear.

This weekend, I was upstairs and asked Baby Bear to run downstairs to grab a notebook for me. He came back with the phone book. I let him know that I wanted something else and as he went back downstairs, I heard the following conversation:

Dear Jesus,

She didn't want the phone book. She wanted the notebook with the yellow sticker.

Amen.

I just stood still and I'm pretty sure I tilted my head to process the whole thing (kinda like the dogs do when we say 'spaghetti').

Yesterday, we were putting up the Christmas tree and he had a similar conversation:

Dear Jesus,

I'm ready to put the star on the tree, but she won't do it until last.

Amen.

So, I'm not sure how to feel about the whole thing. He is three and I want to teach him the importance of prayer, but I don't want it to be his outlet for recording the issues that he has with me.

If I stop analyzing it, it is pretty cute and I love listening to his conversations!

When your mind is made up...

Last weekend during a trip to Libby Lu, Mooka announced that she was ready to get her ears pierced. Once again, we did the lets-wait-until-next-weekend trick. We have been through this before and I was hoping it would just pass.

First thing Saturday morning, she started asking about it. So we gave in.

She was so funny and determined the entire time. As soon as she sat down in the chair, she put on her game face and stuck to it. I'm pretty sure the first time I went to get mine done, I chickened out.

But not Mooka...she was ALL business.



Thinking it over...



Game on...



All she said when it was done, was "Mommy hold me."



She was back to normal within about 10 minutes. She has been so excited about them all weekend and cannot wait to change into some of her new earrings.

I feel like Baby Bear has not gotten a lot of press as of late, so here are a couple of pics of him enjoying Yankee Candle Company. I am pretty sure I won't be getting any calls for him to be their new spokesman.

Journaling with kids

I am always amused at my kids interpretation of life. When I came across a site with suggestions for journaling a child's album, I couldn't wait to ask the kids questions.

For the first round, I got Baby Bear's opinions on me...

1. How old is your Mom? 5
2. What is your Mom's favorite color? Green
3. What is your Mom's favorite food? celery (this may have been influenced by the fact that we had Wonder Pets on TV at the time as I've never brought celery into our home.)
4. How tall is your Mom?8 and a half
5. What shoe size does she wear? mommy shoes
6. What is her favorite TV show? I don't know what it's called but it has lots of music in it
7. What time does your Mom wake up in the morning? goes to the bathroom
8. What time does you Mom do while you're at preschool? works at build a bear (he only got this partially right because I have the coolest job ever in the eyes of a 3 year old - he would have had no clue at my old job)
9. What is your Mom's first name? momma tookie
10. What do you like best about your Mom? you kiss me and hug me before I go to bed (my heart melts for him)

Next, it was Mooka's turn to answer questions about Daddy. Baby Bear added his commentary as well.

1. How old is your Dad? 13
2. What is Dad's favorite sport to play? football(and softball)
3. What is Dad's favorite food? chicken on the bone(and fondue)
4. How strong is your Dad? SUPER strong
5. Where does your Dad work? with his friends(at build a bear)
6. What is Dad's favorite TV show? baseball (and football)
7. What is your favorite thing to do with Dad? lay around with him
8. How tall is your Dad? he's really tall (followed by really, really tall animated by jumping on the couch)
9. What do you like best about your Dad? gives me little snacks to eat
10. What is your Dad's first name? Andy (Poppa)