It seemed like a good idea

We aren’t a family that travels. Someday maybe, but now just is not the right time. This is largely influenced by what I have experienced when we do simple things like grocery shop, go to restaurants or the mall.

This past weekend, we decided to throw common sense out the window and go for a family get away to Branson, MO. Branson is largely targeted towards older, country lovin’, Bible totin’, American made adults. The town is packed during the summers, but tends to be a ghost town this time of year. Perfect for a visit from the caravan of crazy.

Our first night, we ate at a restaurant with the absolute worst food I have ever had in my entire life (that includes some of my own personal kitchen disasters). That really set the tone for the evening.

We got to our hotel and had promised the kids they could go swimming. As I was in the bathroom getting ready, I hear a shout from outside the door – “Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.” This is not an uncommon phrase for a mom to hear, so I did not see any reason to stop assessing the damage having two kids and eating like a front lineman has done to my body admiring my swimsuit model appearance in the mirror. But note – it was not more than 60 seconds later when I opened the door to what appeared to be green baby food on the floor and a sassy mouthed 5 year old “See, I told you I had to go.”

Are you kidding me? You pooped on the floor?! Who does that?!

And it only got better…

After swimming, we were getting changed and Baby Bear kept asking for a cup of juice. Again, a very common request in our house, so no need to rush. And out of no where, fruit juice, mac-n-cheese and mini corn dogs came spewing out of his little belly, (coincidentally, in the exact spot where the green turd surprise had been dropped off an hour earlier.)

We had picked our sleeping partners during the drive down, and Baby Bear had elected to sleep in my bed. Up until, the puking started, I had been happy with this arrangement. He continued to throw up two more times during the night, resulting in a couple calls down to the front desk for fresh linens.

Add the Branson Marriott to the list of places we can never visit again.

The next day, everyone appeared to be back to normal so we spent the day site seeing and then checked into the water park hotel in the late afternoon. The water park was mediocre at best, but the kids had the best time playing.

That night, I awoke to what I thought smelled like dog poo, but we had not brought any pets with us. I roll over to check on Baby Bear and got a hand full of poo.

Add the Branson Grand Country Inn to the list of places we can never visit again.

Lesson learned: There is no place like home and we will not be booking that trip to Disney any time soon.